I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
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Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
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Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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