Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
