I think I am morally bankrupt
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
