So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
