I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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