If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
