Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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