i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
