Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
