Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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