You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
