I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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