ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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