I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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