HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
