I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
