Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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