She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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