It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
