My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I want to make a zoo with you.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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