Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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