I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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