so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
