even my farts smell like vagina
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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