So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
