He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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