Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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