Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize