im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
