There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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