This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
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You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
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How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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