We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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