I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
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He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
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My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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