I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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