we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
