i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We were destined to go to rehab together
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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