Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
