I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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