Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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