I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
