Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Randomize
