i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
