she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
