So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
