..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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