...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
even my farts smell like vagina
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
