Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
