so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
