At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
