booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
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