My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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