What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
