It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
