It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
