Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
