y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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