i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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