This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
