Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
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And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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