uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
