oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks